“Solitude can be enriching or impoverishing. Its impact on well-being depends critically on the degree of choice, personal comfort with aloneness, and ability to self-regulate emotions.”
— Thomas NK, Azmitia M. Psychological Benefits of Solitude: Perspectives from Social and Personality Psychology. PSPR. 2018.

“Negative social relationships predict increased inflammation and poorer health outcomes, sometimes more so than a lack of social relationships.”
— Uchino BN, Social Support and Health: A Review of Physiological Processes. Health Psychol. 2006.

When the idea of Blue Zones was introduced to the public in 2008, it was something of a revelation. The notion that tight-knit community life could be directly tied to longevity felt both intuitive and groundbreaking. Across these pockets of the world where people routinely live past 100, strong social bonds weren’t just a pleasant feature — they seemed to be a key part of the longevity formula.

Since then, the idea has spread, but often in reverse: we now hear more about loneliness and its connection to poor health outcomes. Unfortunately, much of the popular conversation has drifted into oversimplification. One of the most popular headlines that’s emerged from this research is the claim that loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

The comparison comes from the rough equivalence between two separate findings:

• According to a 2010 meta-analysis, strong social relationships are linked to a roughly 50% lower risk of all-cause mortality.
• Smoking 15 cigarettes a day is associated with about a 50% increase in mortality risk.

Superficially, these numbers look similar — but they aren’t logically interchangeable. This kind of equivalence ignores the massive individual variability in both smoking outcomes and the experience of social connection. It makes for an alarming slogan, not a nuanced understanding.

Worse, the framing itself can be psychologically harmful. Imagine telling someone who is already struggling with isolation or loss that their loneliness is now actively destroying their health and doing so as badly as a pack-a-day habit. Rather than helping, this can compound shame and helplessness, making the path toward connection feel even heavier.

The deeper truth is this: it’s not simply how many people surround you, or whether you are in a relationship, that drives well-being. It’s the quality of the relationships you maintain — and even more so, your inner relationship with yourself. A life filled with superficial or draining connections can be as stressful as isolation. Meanwhile, peaceful solitude and a calm, integrated state of mind can support health in profound ways. It is not the absence of company, but the presence of distressing loneliness that carries risk.

This is what I was alluding to by opening an article on community with two pro-solitude research quotes: mindset matters. As much as it might surprise those still holding to an outdated “body as machine” paradigm, there is now a wealth of evidence showing that how we feel — our emotional landscape, our sense of ease or distress — directly influences health outcomes. For many, social connection is a vital source of positive emotion and physiological support. But it’s important to note that introverts aren’t quietly dying off, either. In fact, one of the most life-affirming relationships we can cultivate is the one we have with ourselves.

Ultimately, the research is clear: both connection with others and peace within oneself can support better health. It’s not about chasing a specific number of relationships or fearing time alone — it’s about fostering the kinds of relationships, internal and external, that help your nervous system settle into safety and ease.