Meditation 101

Often, meditation is something my patients say they’ve tried but that “didn’t work” for them. I usually respond with this thought exercise:

Let’s say you lived in a world without Spotify, radios, or any easily accessible music. In this imaginary hellscape, you only have a violin, which you’ve never played before. You might pick up the violin specifically when you want to hear music, but unfortunately, your first experiences won’t be sweet, melodic sounds — just a screechy mess.

I think this is why meditation can turn so many people off. Meditation, in essence, runs counter to our very nature. It’s entirely natural to want to problem-solve, to have the “monkey mind,” as the Buddhist texts call it. We constantly seek something to keep us interested — even if that thing is our own discomfort, something upsetting a friend told us recently, or getting cut off in traffic. In a funny way, even these more “negative” thoughts can feel more natural than just noticing the breath.

But with practice, the music improves. Whether you’ve read some of the many research papers on the benefits of meditation, or just heard a friend say it helped her sleep, something keeps you coming back. You push past the initial discomfort and start to build a habit.

Lo and behold, those discordant sounds — the uncomfortable thoughts made louder by the silence — finally give way to moments of real calm. The practice of setting down whatever mental object arises and returning to the breath gradually allows your soul, mind, and nervous system to find ease for longer and longer stretches of time.

Over time, meditation becomes a great tool for self-regulation — a practice that helps you simply be with yourself, without the constant push and pull of craving and aversion.

Five to ten minutes each evening before bed is a great place to start, and has been shown to improve sleep quality.

To start meditating, find a comfortable seat — ideally upright on a small cushion, or in a chair with your spine tall and the crown of your head gently reaching toward the sky. Begin breathing naturally, and notice the sensation of your breath. At first, it might be helpful to count each breath: [Inhale] 1, [Exhale] 2, [Inhale] 3, etc., up to 10, then start over at 1.

Possibly the most important part of the practice is the very moment you notice you’ve been distracted. You realize you’ve been thinking about work for the last five minutes. Don’t fret, don’t chastise yourself, and don’t rush off to write down what you were thinking. Ideally, the moment you realize you’ve drifted, you simply come back to the breath.

If you find yourself getting distracted a lot, congratulations — you’re human. I genuinely don’t think the process needs to be any different for someone with full-on ADHD versus someone without. Like any other practice, it might take more time for one person than another, but the basic process is the same for everyone. Everyone will find stumbling blocks when learning to meditate. The important thing is not to let those challenges grow into their own story.

If needed, remind yourself that meditation time — like violin practice time — isn’t the time for ruminating on why you aren’t a natural savant. If you really want to, you can spend the rest of the day contemplating whether meditation “just isn’t for you,” but during your practice time, simply practice. Save the self-criticism for later.

In the end, unlike the music metaphor, meditation really is something only you can do for yourself. You really are the only person who can always be there for yourself, hear all your own thoughts — and you get to decide how to shape your inner landscape.

There are many other kinds of meditation. Another favorite of mine is a body-scanning practice called Vipassana. There’s also loving-kindness meditation, which focuses on cultivating positive emotions rather than bare awareness of sensation. And there are many others to explore.

If you’re interested in learning more about meditation, there are tons of great resources online, as well as many local meditation centers. And I’m always happy to talk more with any patient who’d like to dive deeper.